


Butterfly Boy

by JungTaco



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Drama, M/M, Romance, Sci-Fi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-16
Updated: 2016-01-16
Packaged: 2018-05-14 07:05:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,916
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5734117
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JungTaco/pseuds/JungTaco





	Butterfly Boy

“Are you sure that’s what we should do? Playing God…” Jongdae asked, hesitation obvious in his voice as he was standing behind Junmyeon, staring through him with empty eyes while his mind was not concentrating on the material world.

“Isn’t it a little too late to ask?” The older man replied with a sigh, his eyes on the large tube in front of him. That question had been on his mind as well, ever since they began this dangerous game. They were neither the first, nor the last to attempt to do this kind of thing, but were they right to try this? It was too late nevertheless and hesitating now would be in vain or maybe even harmful for _him._

Junmyeon made a few steps forward, his feet resounding on the cold surface and he was now just a few inches apart from the frail form floating lightly in the liquid the receptacle contained. The body was in a fetus position, just like a baby – and that’s what he was after all, despite the fact that the frame looked like the one of a 10-year-old.

That was all Junmyeon’s and Jongdae’s creation. An artificial womb in which an artificial life was developing. Artificial… but so real. It was a success. But the two men didn’t feel any accomplishment by doing this. They didn’t know if they had the right to do this, to try to emulate God’s doings. Was it even possible? To capture a life between calculations and formulas and to make it emerge from the flat, white surface of paper to the real world? It seems it was possible. Was it a sin? It was for scientific purposes, some would say. Still, they were toying with _someone,_ with that _someone_ waiting to be born right in front of them.

***

Yixing was standing before the tube in Junmyeon’s lab, empty eyes looking at the still body inside there. He had been staring at the peaceful, sleeping face for a while now, ignoring his father discussing his health state with Junmyeon, like he always did actually.

The 13-year-old boy didn’t flinch as he kept his look plastered to the tube, only his eyelids fluttering slightly when he noticed a little movement in one of the pale fingers, which seemed paralyzed otherwise. After a couple of seconds, Yixing’s lips parted as he saw the other’s eyelashes moving just a tad.

“Wake…” his weak voice whispered, only heard by himself. “Wake up…” The boy’s eyes lit up with hope that the one tied by so many cables right in front of him would wake up and talk to him. But then, any kind of movement ceased. He waited and waited, not much, but it seemed so. Nothing happened.

“Yixing, let’s go home…” his father uttered concerned from behind, placing a hand on his shoulder gently. The boy hesitantly turned around and his black eyes were pleading, because he didn’t want to go. He felt like he shouldn’t leave.

“But they tell me I should stay.” The man shook his head dejectedly at the words, while the doctor and his assistant didn’t know what to say. They all knew who _they_ were. “The butterflies are so many here… It seems they like this place a lot, doctor.” He smiled warmly, looking in Junmyeon’s direction. The times he saw him were the only ones his father could see him smiling like that. Actually smiling at all. “At your place too.” he continued. “They are a lot wherever you are.”

“He is the same as his mother…” his father said on a low tone, his head low, looking at the floor. “That’s why I hate butterflies…”

Yixing's face saddened at his father's words and murmured softly: "But they are my friends..." His only friends besides Junmyeon and Jongdae.

"Yes... Please, don't say that." the doctor told the man, his lips curled in a sad smile. _They are a part of your son's mind... A part of him and you should accept him._

That's what he meant in fact. Yixing was almost always talking about these unseen friends of him, the butterflies his brain conceived. They have been there since he was about six years old or maybe even younger. But they weren't present everywhere and anytime back then. However, the few times his father heard him talk about them, he knew what it meant. He tried his best to keep away the fragile winged beings, but they were still too strong for him.

It was all too familiar. Just like his deceased mother, Yixing was schizophrenic. Even though it was expected, his father still didn’t want to believe that his beloved son had that terrible illness. The fact that he lost his wife too early because of it when she took her own life was enough. Now, he had to suffer again, together with Yixing.

Junmyeon did everything he could to help the boy, which was so dear to him. Not only he was in debt towards his father because he had took him in when he was living on the streets all alone and treated him like his own child, but it was also what he was normally supposed to do. The man was a role model for him, so kind and gentle, and his influence was obvious in Junmyeon. He was his inspiration for choosing his profession.

He was also devastated when Yixing’s mother committed suicide and paid them visits everyday, almost never leaving their house despite the fact that he had moved out some time ago. He knew his little brother, because that’s what he considered the boy, might have schizophrenia as well, judging by his odd behavior he could see from time to time.

That’s why he went to the extent he had never thought he would go to, at the boy’s father request. He didn’t even know if he could do it, he didn’t know if it would help if he actually succeeded, but he gave it a try. In order to find a cure for that terrible illness, Yixing’s clone was created. The man trusted Junmyeon. He knew he was an excellent doctor and for he loved his son that much, he came up with this idea and pleaded Junmyeon to do it.

And he did. Despite Jongdae’s protests and his own conscience telling him that maybe it wasn’t right, he did. They knew people tried before as well and maybe they succeeded or they didn’t, no one knew. Their deed was also to be kept an absolute secret. Cloning is a really sensitive subject with so many people opposing it, but also so many people interested in it, and Junmyeon and Jongdae wanted neither of those near them.

“I’m sorry, Yixing, I didn’t mean it… Let’s go home, ok?” the man said on a gentle tone and his son nodded hesitantly.

“I hope it won’t be all in vain…” Junmyeon whispered to himself after the two left for home.

“I hope it will at least be in vain, not harmful for anyone…” Jongdae replied with a sigh.

***

“October 7th 2053… Is it a coincidence… the fact that they have the same birthday?” Junmyeon muttered, looking at the sleeping figure in front of him. He was in the same fetal position as when he was just a few minutes ago before he was ‘born’.

“They are like twins… somehow.” Jongdae replied. The two were both in a kind of shock. Maybe parents feel that way when their baby is born, maybe they feel the same.

The body looked like it belonged to a 20-year-old boy, having evolved more, because Junmyeon and Jongdae had to experiment quite much on him, therefore his organism needed to be resistant.

His teary eyes and scared look he had had when he was finally 'alive' remained in Junmyeon's memory and would remain imprinted in his heart.

"This is... This is your kid, Junmyeon..." Jongdae whispered, his brown eyes down upon the pale body, tinted with a feeling which he thought was pity.

"I can't believe this is real..."

"Do you wish it wasn't?" Junmyeon was biting his lower lip and he already felt remorse for creating him.

"Do you think it has a soul, Jongdae?" he asked instead of giving a reply to the previous question.

"Well... It seemed so... But why not?"

"This is not a normal child." he retorted sternly. "Maybe... It would hurt less if he was just an empty vessel made of flesh and blood."

"I know it isn't, but still... Who knows? He has a brain, which appears to be functional. Aren't they all related? The soul... The feelings... Aren't they coordinated by the brain? As long as he has it and he can see, hear, taste, feel and smell-"

"I know all that, Jongdae!" Junmyeon snapped, interrupting him, then he immediately calmed down. The other doctor's eyes widened at the sudden raising of his voice because he was used to see him always collected. "I know that..." he repeated with a sigh. "But we don't fully understand what that thing we call 'soul' is. There is no recipe for us, humans, to know. If there is one, only God knows it."

"Maybe we accidentally used that recipe."

"It may be..."

A heavy silence fell upon the whole laboratory with only their breaths resounding quietly through the room.

"For who it would hurt less?" Jongdae asked hesitantly after a while, as he seemed to be afraid of breaking the silence.

"What do you mean?"

"You said it would hurt less if he didn’t have a soul? For who? For him or for us?"

"For..." his eyes flew from the black-haired man beside him to the wall, staring unseeing while searching through his own thoughts. What did he mean exactly?

"For me... I don't know about you, but for me it would be easier."

***

Brown, curious eyes were looking at them from behind his fringe, his gaze wandering around the lab from time to time. He was barely sitting on the sofa there – they had one because Junmyeon and Jongdae would often find themselves spending days and nights there and they needed some place to rest their bodies a little from time to time, aside from un uncomfortable chair.

“Shouldn’t we give him a name?” the younger doctor asked, looking over at Junmyeon, which was sitting on the boy’s left side, while Jongdae was on his right.

“You’re right… But I didn’t think of anything.”

“You should have…” the other’s lips formed a slight pout as his mind began searching for something.

“Let’s not name it something like YX606 though.”

“I’m not that bad with names.” He clicked his tongue in irritation, and Junmyeon chuckled as he was looking past the boy, at his friend. His focus was attracted back to the one who was to be named again when his hand moved hesitantly towards his face. The pale fingers touched his hair while Junmyeon didn’t flinch, just letting him have his way.

“He’s just like a baby now.” he stated fascinated. “He has yet to find out what is around him.”

“What do you think will be the first word he says? Mommy? Daddy?” Jongdae joked, earning a glare from Junmyeon.

“Who’s who?”

“Of course you’re mommy.” He laughed, and the boy turned to the source of the sound, eyeing him curiously, while a look of protest loomed on Junmyeon’s features. “Anyway, we were talking about his name, weren’t we?... Hmm… How about we call him Lay?” he continued after he gave it a little thought. “How is it? Do you like it?” he smiled and turned to the one sitting next to him, asking him directly, of course, not getting any satisfactory reply.

“Lay? That sounds… weird.”

“It’s not weird, it’s different. Just like him. He’s not any ordinary human after all.” Voicing the last sentence, his tone became a little more sober, and Junmyeon nodded, placing his hand on Lay’s shoulder. His fingers were now exploring Junmyeon’s white robe.

“Indeed, he’s extraordinary for existing.”

“We’ll see about that. I would say you are the extraordinary one here.” Jongdae told him with a small smile, receiving a sigh.

“We’ll see about that too…”

Junmyeon looked calm on the outside, but his pulse was erratic in his chest, feeling the boy’s fingers. It was only then when he fully realized that he was alive, actually _alive._ He had a life that he had somehow created. He felt guilty and excited at the same time, wondering how things would evolve and what would happen to Lay, to them all. Until now, it all seemed successful, but it was only the beginning. The purpose of this boy – Junmyeon didn’t like to call him a _clone,_ it just sounded inhuman to him, even though his actions were actually like that also - here was not yet fulfilled. He wondered if it would ever be, and if that’s the case, what would happen after that?

Lay’s hand was now hovering above Junmyeon’s chest, where his heart was. The doctor was asking himself if it was because he had felt his heart beating so fast. At that moment, he wanted so much to know if the boy’s heart was beating or was to ever beat like his and Jongdae’s – not only in the biological way, but with actual feelings.

He smiled foolishly thinking about it, then quickly dismissed that smile, because it would be definitely better if sadness, love or pain would never have to flow through Lay’s veins.

***

The first thing they taught Lay was how to walk, because it would be inconvenient to have to carry him around all the time. It didn’t take them much, he adapted quickly to anything he had to do, maybe because he didn’t know otherwise.

The next thing he had to learn was how to talk. Or was it really necessary? What did he need to express? Needs? He was being examined almost the entire time and Junmyeon and Jongdae knew everything that he needed. Feelings? Opinions? There was no use for such things. But still…

“Jun… Junmyeon.”

Junmyeon almost dropped the microscope he was holding when he heard his name muttered by a voice that didn’t belong to Jongdae.

“Have… Have you heard? Or am I just hallucinating?”

“What?” the other asked, his eyes fluttering open as he didn’t bother to stand up from his comfortable position on the sofa.

“He just… Lay just said my name.” He knew happiness was not what he had to feel right now, but somehow, a smile appeared without his consent. 

“That’s great…” the other’s voice was heard, muffled in the material of the lining as his eyelids fell upon his eyes once again. After a couple of seconds, his eyes snapped open and he jumped on his feet. “What did you just say, Junmyeon?”

This time, Lay turned to face Jongdae, and his index finger slowly pointed to him as the boy drawled again:

“Jong… Jongdae.”

Under Jongdae’s shocked eyes, Junmyeon stepped closer to Lay and he pulled him into a hug, and to his surprise, he felt a pair of arms hesitantly coiling around his waist.

“So it was the mummy’s name he said first.” he said and giggled.

While watching the two, Jongdae blinked in confusion, then frowned slightly.

“Junmyeon, are you that happy?” Hearing the question, the doctor let go of Lay and stepped back from his warmth a little.

“Am I… happy?” he whispered more to himself and looked down. Why was he happy? He shouldn’t have been, right? He shook his head, coming back to his senses. “I’m not…” Contrasting his words, his heart was still beating with mirth. Lifting his eyes, he looked into the boy’s dark brown ones. He was looking at Junmyeon gently, head slightly tilted and lips parted as if wanting to ask what was wrong. Honestly, he couldn’t not be happy. He really felt like a parent while taking care of him, and he wondered how Jongdae really felt about this.

***

Junmyeon tried to lock away any possible feelings that might bloom for Lay, no matter how small they were, because he knew it couldn’t be good. Jongdae was right to always be careful and chide him when he was being too gentle or too kind with the boy, and he was also careful not to fall in that trap either, because the fact that he was born in a laboratory could be easily forgotten. Lay’s curious and gentle eyes, his caring voice and his gestures were so natural, so genuine, and in Junmyeon’s eyes those things were endearing.

He tried, but he just couldn’t. He wasn’t good at locking his heart away. Spending most of his time with him, taking care of him, examining him, teaching him how to speak, how to read – which he learnt quickly – he couldn’t just remain cold, for the boy was not just a ‘thing’ to him, nor a clone. He didn’t see him like that. Now, he was like a little brother for him, the same as Yixing.

***

“Is he… the one made after me?” Yixing muttered after a minute in which he and Lay just stood one in front of the other without saying a word.

“Yes, he’s the one made using your DNA.” Jongdae replied, looking at both of them.

“He looks older though.” Yixing’s look towards Lay was doubtful, with a hint of disdain maybe, and perhaps a little bit of fear too. Well, they didn’t really expect them to be the best of friends. Facing someone meant to be like you, your copy, isn’t easy after all. It’s unimaginable for most of us actually. Especially since in Yixing’s troubled mind, Lay was not exactly like that. The butterflies were afraid of Lay. At least for the time being.

“It’s because if he was like you we would not really be able to do much to help you.” Junmyeon said, smiling softly and patting Yixing’s hair, and the little boy nodded and looked up at him.

“Would it be better if I were like him then?” The doctor’s eyes widened at his question and shook his head.

“That was not what I meant, XingXing. You’re you and he’s-“

“He’s just an utensil created for your well-being.” Jongdae’s cold tone cut him off, making Junmyeon throw a glare at him. Somehow, it was true. But somehow, it didn’t sound right. The younger of the doctors bit his bottom lip remorseful. Even to him, it sounded harsh. The two men looked at Lay, who hadn’t said anything, even though they knew very well he could now talk. His mind was fast and they kept asking themselves how they managed to _create_ someone like that. Besides that, his health was good too until now. They knew though that schizophrenia might manifest itself in the near future. That’s why they had to move quickly.

"Yes, that's true." Lay eventually replied. "You don't have any reason to feel like that." he added and a small smile formed, but when Junmyeon looked in his eyes, he thought he could sense something else. If the boy had been an ordinary human being, the doctor would have said he saw a hint of sadness and maybe helplessness. Maybe. But it was most likely an impression.

Yixing's father looked at Lay rather strangely, but that was only because he was surprised by his vocabulary and thoughts. He was barely six or seven weeks old. It was incredible.

"He's a genius... Junmyeon, wow..." Lay didn't react to his words. Junmyeon and Jongdae taught him the meaning of words, but that's all. Some feelings were barely in his vocabulary and he didn't know what he should say in such a situation. Even the 'parents' were a little shocked by his words in fact.

"Yeah, he is." Junmyeon replied simply, a little smile forming, but his eyes showed worry. He didn't know if that was a good thing or not.

"Anyway... How is it going?"

"We still have a long way to g-"

"Let's not talk about this today." Yixing whined, turning to look at Junmyeon. "They want me to play the piano?"

Lay blinked curiously, wondering who 'they' were, since he hadn't been told about his 'brother’s’ friends, but he didn't utter a word.

The man showed the boy a condescending smile together with a nod. "Ok, then let's go to my place. What about that, dad?" he looked at the oldest man in the room while ruffling the younger's dark hair.

"Let's go there, if my son wants..." he wished his son actually wanted that, not the butterflies. And it was partly true, for Yixing always played the piano for his friends, but for Junmyeon too. Moreover, they were part of him.

So they went together to Junmyeon's apartment, which was in the same building as the laboratory. The lab was in the basement of the block he was living in with Jongdae and recently Lay. They were sure that no one would have such curiosity to venture there, since the only ones living there were old people besides them, and Jongdae made sure to let them know that some gruesome things were going on there. Of course it wasn't true, but no one would have liked a heart attack, right?

In their living room, there was a piano, Jongdae's piano. Yixing had one home as well and was a prodigy at it. Junmyeon remembered that he had used to play a lot, but now he got to hear it just from time to time, when he came in order for his health to be checked. That way, the doctor began to cherish those melodies that trickled from the younger's fingertips even more.

The song began, and Lay was watching the boy intently, his lips parted slightly, his ears taken aback by the beauty flowing in them. Lay had never played the piano since he was born. Curiosity had led his steps to it a few times before and he hovered his fingers over the keys, playing a few random notes. But those were nothing like what he was listening to now. Despite his incredible intelligence, he didn't have enough words to express what he felt now. Not yet. There were things more amazing like this, which he had yet to experience. But for now though, he wanted too to be able to do what Yixing was doing. The thought didn't even pass his mind, but when those sweet sounds stopped soothing the eardrums of the ones in the room, he slowly stepped towards the instrument. He tried again to play it. He didn't quite knew what to do with his hands, so nothing really good came out. The others in the room focused their attention on him, and Yixing sauntered meekly towards him.

"Do you... want me to teach you how to play?" he asked and bit his lips. Junmyeon held in his urge to smile, because once again, he didn't know if the direction things were going was a good one. It very much seemed like it, but he didn't want to be fooled.

"I would like that." Lay replied, his lips curving in a smile. It had to be clear until now that Lay wasn't just a puppet and feelings were there. His body was filled with them just a little bit, since he had yet to discover more, but there was no doubt that they were there.

The two sat down in front of the piano and so, the lesson started. Like this, in a few days, Lay learnt how to play the piano, and in about two weeks he could play it as well and as beautifully as Yixing. He would practice daily, even if Yixing wasn’t there, and Jongdae conceded he was a genius yet again.

Soon, it became a rite for Lay to play the piano a little for them before going to bed. Jongdae had to admit that he liked him a bit. Just a bit. He was worried for his friend though, who couldn’t take his eyes off his creation while listening to every song played. It seemed he liked Lay more and more and he was afraid that those sentiments would continue to evolve.

“Junmyeon, please…” he whispered one evening, while a Christmas carol was playing in the background. It was a cold day of December.

“What is it?” he asked absentmindedly, his eyes still cast softly upon the boy whose back was facing him, and the other frowned a little.

“Don’t… Don’t fall for him.”

The doctor stiffened at the words and bit his lip. He felt strangely uncomfortable and his body stiffened suddenly. Why did he have to tell him this? He didn’t want that either after all. Moreover, he knew that it wasn’t the best thing to happen. But maybe Jongdae was right to at least try to keep him down to Earth. But what if it was in vain? Neither Jongdae, nor Junmyeon had any power over this, maybe just Lay. Maybe.

***

Winter had passed, and Lay learnt more and more while unknowingly, Junmyeon’s feelings had grown. The times during winter in which he asked himself if he was beginning to fall in love were not little, but he answered himself negatively every time, without actually thinking very much about it. He wanted to be sure of it, but in reality he didn’t even know.

Meanwhile, the purpose of his existence was not yet met. It wasn’t like they were 100% sure it would work anyway, so it was possible they wouldn’t find a cure at all. But for now, they wanted to keep trying, especially Junmyeon, both for Yixing and for Lay.

Despite Jongdae’s disapproval, the older man was treating Lay more and more like any human. He knew he made his friend mad many times because of this, but he couldn’t help it. Lay _was_ a normal human, regardless of how he came to be. Even more that that actually, because Junmyeon hadn’t met anyone like that before. Leaving out the fact that his mind and ability to learn so fast were unreal, this boy was special, and no one could really deny it.

There was never a time when he complained or he whined despite the numerous little experiments he had to have done to him. There was never a time when he didn’t listen to Junmyeon or to Jongdae. There was never a time when he did something bad intentionally. Accidents happened, of course, but those were just little events that made Junmyeon’s heart beat a little faster seeing the boy’s meek eyes and hearing his shy apologizes. He felt it, that little change of pace in his heartbeat, but he ignored it or found excuses for it. Of course, he never told Jongdae anything about it, but it’s not like he could hide it that well. The only one who was clueless about this was Lay.

Even Yixing noticed how concerned he was about Lay all the time, always getting distracted. He eventually stopped playing the piano for him because he knew he had Lay and the friends told him he shouldn’t anymore, since his role was taken by someone else now. In spite of that, they became friends. Lay was friendly towards the other boy and could somehow understand him, and that’s how he became as important as his butterflies.

***

The only ways in which Lay could see the world were his two creators, TV and books. At first, Junmyeon just summarized some to him from time to time, all kind of stories, until he recently started reading them himself. The doctor found it so endearing when Lay would ask him what something meant because he didn't understand and also the fact that he was so into it sometimes that he couldn't even hear what the others were saying to him. On the other hand, Jongdae was distancing himself from Lay as much as he could because he was afraid. Not afraid of the boy, but afraid of his own feelings and afraid that he would be blinded like Junmyeon. As much as he wanted to deny it, Jongdae saw that there was something in his eyes when the doctor looked at the boy, something that he hadn't seen before.

***

Junmyeon tried to speak to Lay once. Twice. The third time he didn't respond either. He sighed and did the only thing that could get him back to Earth. The doctor pulled his book away and saw the boy's confused look lifted at him.

“We are going out.” he cleared his confusion like that, replacing it with joy, joy reflected luminously in Lay’s clear eyes.

“When are we going? Where are we going?” he asked in a single breath, quickly raising from his seat, making the other chuckle while caressing his hair.

“Now. To the park.”

“Let’s go!” he exclaimed, tugging at the man’s arm, heading towards the entrance door, without caring about putting on his shoes or his jacket how he was taught.

Jongdae was looking at them from the hallway, and when Junmyeon’s eyes met his, he saw disapproval and worry in them. The doctor tried to avert his look, but even though he was not seeing it anymore, he could feel it cast upon him.

“Get dressed first!” he shouted after the boy, who was oblivious to the silent dispute between the two who gave him life.

“Yeees!” he replied, proceeding to put on his shoes. “Are you coming with us, hyung?” he asked Jongdae, who looked at the boy taken aback. “Do you want me… to come with you two?” He received a nod in response, accompanied by his usual smile. “No… It’s ok, I’ll stay home and sleep.”

“But it’s no fun without you there to make fun of Junmyeon.” Lay pouted, grabbing his arm lightly, eyeing him pleadingly.

“Do you prefer staying home and sleep rather than going out with your best friend?” Junmyeon chanted while stepping in the hallway as well, feigning hurt.

“Oh, God, Junmyeon, stop doing that! You’re an awfully terrible actor.” Jongdae rolled his eyes, emphasizing the two negative words describing the other, because he felt that just one wasn’t enough.

“When will you learn that I’m your hyung? Whatever, I won’t do that, so come with us.”

The other sighed and nodded slowly, smiling a little, loosening up. “Ok, ok, don’t whine, hyung.” His friend smiled back at him, patting his back. He had been worried about him recently, scared that the cheerful Jongdae had disappeared beneath the layers of problems that had come upon them. He could still take a peek at his old self though.

Like that, the three went out. While for Lay it was the first time, for the other two it had been a while since they had last been out to relax. They took in a deep breath happily once they reached the park, which was not too far away. They were glad they could feel the warm air of spring feel their lungs after so long, even though it wasn’t the cleanest air in the world.

Lay was the happiest among them, finally able to see something he had known only from pictures and descriptions before. He was just like a child. Actually he _was_ one. He wasn’t more than one year old after all. He was smiling ear to ear, eyes all over the place: at the colorful branches of the trees, ornate with pale-colored flowers, at the children roaming around and playing with multicolored balloons, at the blue sky, which was simply beautiful. And in the same way, Junmyeon’s eyes were glued to him.

They walked around for a while, Lay pointing out anything unknown to him and asking the other two about it. At some point, a little, fragile, winged creature hovered above their heads gracefully. The boy gazed at its playful flying and before he even asked, he received an answer.

“A butterfly…” The tone of Junmyeon’s voice was almost sorrowful as he watched the frail flutter of wings as well.

“Yixing’s friend…” Lay muttered, engulfed in a strange calmness, following the little being with his eyes. “It’s beautiful.” The doctor nodded silently.

Jongdae thought that the atmosphere had suddenly become too tense, so he broke the silence.

“Buy us some cotton candy, Junmyeon.”

“Cotton candy?” Lay looked at him confused.

“It’s a sweet dessert, made from sugar. You will surely like it.”

The presumption was right, and Lay grew to love sweet things., especially cotton candy, and because of that, Junmyeon made a habit out of going out every weekend together with the boy, only the two of them. Little by little, their bond grew a little each time, even if the growth was invisible for them.

***

One rainy Sunday afternoon, the gloomy weather kept them inside, making Lay sulky, Junmyeon bored and Jongdae wish he could watch his movie in peace without his friend trying to get him to talk with him.

“Jongdae, why don’t you have a driving license?”

“Because I don’t know how to drive.” he replied briefly and halfheartedly, trying to concentrate on the movie.

“But we can’t go out because of you.”

“You can’t go out because of the weather.”

“Still…If you had a car-“

“I wouldn’t be able to drive it.” Jongdae interrupted.

“I’m bored.”

“What do you suggest?”

“Buying a car and learn how to drive.”

“Why don’t you do that?.... Oh, God, Junmyeon, I’m trying to watch a movie!” he abruptly erupted.

“I’m sooooory!” As he voiced his apology petulantly and not meaning it at all, he wrapped his arms around Jongdae’s waist and rested his head on his shoulder childishly. “But I’m bored.”

On the other end of the sofa, Lay was giggling at them. It was the first time he saw Junmyeon behaving like that, like a little kid, and he found it quiet amusing. He wasn’t expecting him to be like that, since he was always mature and composed around him.

“That brat is laughing too, aish.”

“S-Sorry.” he stuttered, but continued to laugh, making Jongdae sigh.

“Ok, we’ll watch the movie with you then, silently.” Junmyeon concluded, going back to his initial position on the sofa, leaving the other some space. So silence fell upon them as they watched the TV screen with interest. It remained like that, for about half a minute, when Junmyeon realized he hadn’t seen the first half of the film. “…What is it about though?”

Jongdae mentally face-palmed himself.

“Just watch it and figure it out yourself.” he said, sighing, another amused look cast upon them from the other end of the sofa.

“Ok…”

They continued to watch it silently this time, none of them making a sound. That was until somewhere near the end of the movie, when the main character and one of the women kissed. This time, it was Lay who spoke.

“What are they doing touching each other’s lips?” Junmyeon choked on his own saliva and Jongdae blinked, turning his head towards the boy, who returned his look confused and innocently.

“They are… kissing.”

“Kissing?”

“Yeah. It’s something you do when you’re in love with someone.”

Lay nodded, even though he didn’t actually understand. He didn’t know what ‘love’ is, and he knew they weren’t going to explain it to him, because he had asked before. His books didn’t really explain it well either. He wanted to know, but he didn’t want to bother the other two.

However, he couldn’t stop his curiosity, and when he found Jongdae’s computer turned on, no one around, he thought that maybe the “giant web that knows everything”, how the two named the internet for him to understand better, would help a little.

He typed in the four letters. All he knew about it beforehand was that it was a feeling, but what kind of feeling? A good one? A bad one? He couldn’t really understand from the actors’ kiss in the movie. Their faces didn’t show much. Maybe their acting was bad. Maybe it was too much for him to wrap his head around it.

Besides this, he knew a little part of the effects of love. He knew that because of it, people would get married, establish a family… Why though.

A wave of information that was too complex for him to comprehend flooded him as he opened a page. He scrolled down, reading, frowning at the complicated, scientific words lined up on the screen. It was just a simple word. Why was it necessary for them to make it so complex, giving definitions, classifying it, dissecting its meaning so cruelly that even they might not understand it anymore. It was true he found science fascinating, since it explained a lot of things, but Junmyeon taught him that feelings were phenomena that should be left alone by it.

Lay’s head started to hurt while reading and he almost gave up, just glancing at some words randomly, knowing that he wouldn’t catch their meaning. His eyes fell by chance on a paragraph whose meaning he could somehow make up.

_The brain’s pleasure center is stimulated, leading to side effects such as increased heart rate, loss of appetite and sleep, and an intense feeling of excitement._

So that’s what it meant? All those pages were useless and this was all he had to know? He sighed. In the end, he didn’t receive any answer. Though, those few words remained in his brain involuntary. What if he falls in love some time? If he knew those, he would be able to tell it maybe.

***

Lay was really smart, and it was impossible for him not to relate his quickly beating heart when near Junmyeon with what he had read that evening. Questions began flowing through his head then. Was there a slight chance for him to be in love? Should he ask Junmyeon? He figured it was better not to for now, since it seemed like a taboo subject for the two doctors.

The boy noticed also how he couldn’t sleep well lately. He spent a big part of the night gazing at Junmyeon’s sleeping face instead and feeling strangely at peace and happy. It didn’t begin recently, but it was now that he started matching things up. Maybe it was just his imagination, perhaps because it was something unknown to him, and that made him curious. The curiosity was never fulfilled so maybe he was trying to fill that gap and he was assuming things that weren’t true. Even if it were like this, he was still not satisfied.

***

Days continued to pass and Lay was really beginning to think he was in love with Junmyeon. He couldn’t deny the fact that he was filled with so much happiness when he smiled or the thrills he felt when he talked so sweetly to him. He couldn’t deny the fact that he couldn’t wait for Sunday to come to go for a walk with him and  the fact that he missed Junmyeon even after they were separated for just a little time. That had to mean something.

He could neither deny the fact that his new friends seemed to love him as well.

His new friends, the butterflies.

***

The boy was waiting patiently for Junmyeon to finish the test, to give him his injection. He said he wanted to see how his brain reacted to the substance and the boy quietly complied, like he always did. While the doctor was preparing the necessary utensils, the other’s eyes were cast upon him softly, without Junmyeon knowing it.

He turned to Lay, the needle now penetrating his skin under the careful surveillance of the man who wouldn’t let any unnecessary harm happen to him. During this time as well, Lay’s eyes were glued to the concentrated figure. His attention was distracted the next second though, by a gentle pair of small wings flitting by, one which only he could see. His look followed it, and a small smile curled his lips upwards. He watched it fly close to Junmyeon and landing on the pinkish softness of his lips, then vanishing.

The doctor retracted the needle and finally looked up at Lay, feeling his gaze on him. He thought his chest would burst any time then because of the warm smile that greeted him. He wanted to ask why he was smiling, but his mouth decided by itself not to open up. Also, it was too late to speak when the boy leaned towards him, plastered his lips on Junmyeon’s and closed his eyes at the feeling. The man blinked in confusion, then his eyes widened, heart quickened and he realized that Lay was kissing him, even moving his lips against his, slowly, tenderly… lovingly.

He pulled the boy away from his mouth and looked at him with a vortex of emotions swirling in his eyes.

“W-What are you doing?”

“Kissing you. You said that’s what people do when they’re in love. And I figured it out that I was… But… I kind of… didn’t want to end it that soon.”

“I-In l-love?...” Junmyeon stuttered, utterly taken aback. This boy confessing his love was his dream and his nightmare at the same time, because he knew it wasn’t supposed to happen. It wasn’t supposed to go like this.

“Yes.”

“A-Are you sure?” Junmyeon cleared his voice, placed his hand over his heart attempting to slow down its erratic pace and continued, calmer. “Maybe it’s just an impression.” The other shook his head. The doctor found his calmness so strange, even scary in a way.

“It’s not an impression. I know it for sure.”

“But how come you are so sure?”

“Because you make my heart feel happy,” That smile appeared again, making Junmyeon’s heart doing somersaults in his ribcage. “I know you didn’t want to tell me anything about love… But I found out what it is myself. It… isn’t a good thing? My friends told me it’s good though... The butterflies.” Lay’s expression turned into a sad one, somehow disappointed, but also hopeful.

The man’s eyes widened at the last word he heard. So he was now seeing them too. It wasn’t unexpected, but this just added to the shock form earlier.

He didn’t know how to reply to the question. It was both a good and a bad thing, but what could they do now? That it was good or bad didn’t even matter.

“If the one you love doesn’t love you back, than that love is not fulfilled…” Junmyeon muttered, eyes cast down, but Lay didn’t understand what he meant, not then.

He only understood later, when he couldn’t help but feel the lack of warmth in Junmyeon’s voice and eyes towards him and the emptiness caused by the fact that he wasn’t next to him nearly as much as before. Something changed and if until then Lay thought Junmyeon had been showing his love through gentle looks and kind words, now he thought that his love wasn’t actually shared. He didn’t know why it happened all of a sudden, but it hurt. Now he felt his heart throbbing with pain. He had felt pain before, but this one was fairly different and it was the worst.

One night, when no one could see him, while looking at Junmyeon’s back turned towards him as the man was sleeping – or so Lay thought – he felt his eyes hot, filled with water, water which eventually trickled down his cheek. He brought his hand up, fingers brushing lightly over the lone tear as he was surprised that he was actually crying. It was the second time in his short life that he cried, first being when he first opened his eyes to see the world. A bitter sob tore the pressuring silence, escaping him unintentionally and he could see a few of his friends resting on his fingers comfortingly.

Right at that moment, Junmyeon felt his heart crumble into small shards, because he was awake, awake listening to the other try to muffle his own sobs not to wake him up. The man asked himself why he didn’t just turn around and hug Lay to his chest and apologize, pet his hair and try to stop the tears, tell him how much he actually loved him and hold him next to his heart in order for him to hear how fast it beat. What held him back?

***

“Junmyeon, what are you doing?” Jongdae asked during a Sunday afternoon, a sunny one, which seemed to be perfect for a walk outside. Lay and Junmyeon didn’t go though. They hadn’t been going out for a few weeks now, which caused Jongdae to think something had happened.

“What are you talking about?”

“Something happened? What is it?”

“Something happened indeed… but even if you knew you wouldn’t be able to do anything about it.” the man said, forcing a smile, which he knew it couldn’t fool Jongdae, who narrowed his eyes looking at him.

“I know I can’t do anything, but tell me, hyung… I’m still your friend.” Junmyeon sighed and eventually complied.

“Lay… told me he loves me.” Jongdae couldn’t say he didn’t expect that.

“And what did you tell him? Did you tell him that you love him back?” Junmyeon could hear only curiosity and concern in the other’s voice, and he shook his head.

“No…”

“I can see that… You’ve been very cold towards him recently.”

“Yeah… Was it right to do so?”

“I… I don’t know anymore.” Jongdae shrugged looking at the floor. “If I were you… I think… I would tell him the truth…” He said, moving awkwardly on the sofa and biting his lip. “I know I’ve been against it, but… I don’t know… He’s just… He now seems like a normal human being to me.” Junmyeon sighed.

“Why is it so complicated? Or do we make it like that? Jongdae… Do you regret it?”

“What?”

“’Playing God’, like you said.”

“Well… It wasn’t my choice anyway. I wouldn’t have done it. You should answer that question yourself. Do you?”

“I don’t know…” he whispered. “Somehow I don’t. Somehow I do.”

***

Junmyeon made his mind after all. He needed to tell him. He still wasn’t sure if it was the best choice, but it couldn’t go on like that. He was breaking both of their hearts. That was the first thing he was going to tell him after he opened his eyes. No _good morning,_ no _did you sleep well?_ , but _I love you._

However, there was no person next to him to whom he could say that in the morning. The other side of the bed was empty. He found himself alone and confused, even after searching for Lay in the whole apartment. Junmyeon gulped and scurried to the living room, where Jongdae had been sleeping on the sofa since Lay was born.

“Jongdae! Where is he?”

The other man scowled and cracked his eyes open, murmuring:

“Where is who?”

“Lay!” Junmyeon was almost screaming now. “Where is Lay? I can’t find him anywhere.” The other quickly sat up and began to panic as well.

“Have you searched everywhere?”

“Yes!”

In the next second, they could hear the doorbell ring, and they both ran towards there as fast as their feet could move. The older man opened the door immediately, a look of disappointment painting his expression when he didn’t see the one whom he was looking for. Instead, there stood Yixing’s father, an equally scared look donning his features.

“What happened?” Junmyeon’s eyes widened, looking at him.

“Y-Yixing… disappeared.” he stuttered while panting, having run to their apartment. “Is he here by any chance? Please tell me he’s here!”

“H-He’s not here… Neither is Lay.”

“What happened to him?”

“We don’t know… We were searching for him. When I woke up a few minutes ago he was not here anymore.”

“Maybe he’s in the lab.” Jongdae suggested, and ran to search for the keys, then shook his head. “If the keys are here, he can’t be there.”

“Then where could they be?” the boy’s father asked, sweat dripping down his forehead as he wiped his skin with a handkerchief, hands trembling. “Is there any possibility that they are together?”

“I don’t think so…” Junmyeon stated. “I… I don’t know.” He stuttered, his fingers passing through his disheveled dark locks. “We-We have to find them quickly.”

***

Yixing found himself in front of Junmyeon’s apartment, in front of Lay, who was standing there, looking at him concerned. It was November already. More than a year had passed since they have met each other and there was almost an year since they’d been best friends.

Despite the cold weather, Yixing was wearing only his pajamas and was shivering. He was looking up in Lay’s warm eyes as if asking for help.

“What are you doing? Aren’t you cold?” the taller boy asked, rubbing the other’s arms lightly. “You should go back home.” It was almost 7 AM and neither of them knew why the other was out there on the empty, freezing street at that hour.

“I-It’s ok.. But I don’t want to go back?”

“What are you going to do then?”

“I… I don’t know… I just don’t want to return…I feel… strange with them lately.” Yixing bit his lower lip, looking down at his feet, while the other’s touch didn’t leave him for one second.

“Is it because of me?”

“Maybe… But it’s not your fault. But Junmyeon… loves you more than he loves me.” A slight pout formed on Yixing’s lips as he looked at Lay once again. “You’re better than me in every way…”

“Is that… what you think?” Lay frowned slightly at the words, but his eyes were still gentle. Yixing nodded and Lay shook his head ruefully. “I don’t come close to you…” he whispered, pulling him slowly to his chest. “I’m just a mere copy…” He carded his fingers through the other boy’s soft hair. “And you know what the purpose of my existence is, right?”

“M-Me…”

“Indeed… Junmyeon loves you, Yixing. Junmyeon and Jongdae and your father. And me, of course.” Lay then felt Yixing’s arms wrap tightly around him. He felt lonely, they both felt lonely, but at that very moment it was a little bit better, when they were in each other’s arms.

“Should… Should I go back then?”

“You should, most definitely.” Lay smiled fondly, rubbing his back. “You shouldn’t worry them. They might already be looking for you.”

The shorter one nodded a little and looked at Lay.

“What about you? Why are you here?”

“I… I am being selfish… I’m sorry… Please, go back now.”

And so he did. Yixing returned home, where there was no one waiting for him, since his father had already went out in order to find him. That’s why, he decided to return to Junmyeon’s lab, thinking that they were there, and that he’d see Lay again and thank him properly at least. His mind was unclear, still a little confused when he left for home when Lay told him to do so. He didn’t get to tell him anything.

When he reached the apartment, he rang the doorbell, and the one to open the door for him was his father, eyes teary, still trembling, relieved that he had returned. Junmyeon and Jongdae had left him behind, in case Yixing or Lay would return there. The boy was shivering too, because of the cold, and his eyes were wet as well. The warm arms of his father welcomed him and he realized how wrong he was to run away from home as he was listening to the man’s sobs and whispers of his name.

“I’m sorry… I won’t do that again… I won’t listen to the butterflies every time they tell me something now… They were wrong this time.”

“Oh, my dear boy, I’m so happy I can hold you in my arms. You have no idea…”

***

While Yixing came back, Lay never returned to Junmyeon’s side ever since he disappeared. He searched for him desperately, but there was no sign of him anywhere. No sign from him except for the short note that Junmyeon found on his desk and which he barely read through the tears that invaded his eyes. It wasn’t even a letter, only a few lines written by his hand on a paper now soaked in Junmyeon’s sadness.

_“I love you, but I don’t like love… Butterflies don’t know love, do they? That’s what Yixing told me. I want to be one too, to be able to fly freely, without this burden and without having to worry that you can’t share my love.”_

Junmyeon thought that Lay was selfish, so selfish, because they needed him. But it was his fault. It was his fault for being like that to him, for not telling him that he loved him, for being a coward. He was the one that let him slip away, who pushed him to leave. If he had made it all clear from the beginning it would all have been different, they might even have been happy.

But they couldn’t anymore, because of him. In the end, Lay was just a butterfly, who came quickly, fluttering his wings and mesmerizing him, but he went away as quickly. He was Junmyeon’s butterfly boy who melted into the air like the wind.


End file.
